Hi Jag,
Was worried about you and am glad you're still here.
I agree with dollydo that physical abuse is a dealbreaker, and also know that the other forms of abuse are just as devastating.
From this alcoholics point of view, it's not worth it if someone is not doing all they can to change the way they're living, and even then it's questionable.
In answer to your question, and I can only speak for myself, I have been abusive in most of my relationships with others, intimate or not, and probably in some way abusive in all. I come from a family with an alcoholic mother and so I've seen so much dysfunction that it became normal to me. It has taken me 50 years to realize I don't know how to do normal relationships, because I've never seen one close up for any significant length of time. I became exactly what I didn't want to be as a child, for I became an alcoholic and after watching what it did to my mother, I swore I'd never be like that. When I drink, it deadens my feelings, so I don't feel like normal people do. If I do get feelings of shame, remorse, regret, embarrassment, then another drink will put those feelings out of mind again. Thus, I can continue till all my inner resources to drink have dried up and I'm forced to face myself and my life. Even then, I am still warped and years of therapy, AA meetings, and recovery efforts will have little to no effect till I become willing to change from the inside out. I must seek a spiritual way of living because I want to, not because of any outside influences. I'm not good relationship material, and I know that, so I'm single today. I have many lady friends, but they wouldn't be friends for long if we became involved on a different, more intimate level. I am still not healthy, especially when it comes to relationships, because that's an area of my life that still needs much work. Even when sober, I'm still abusive in many ways and am still discovering how many ways I am abusive. I remain teachable, so there is hope, but it will be quite some time till I venture into any form of intimate relationship. I will admit that it took me a long time to accept that the problem was me all along.