Originally Posted by
Dibs2010 
But now what... what am i working towards? letting him go or giving him another chance to hurt us all? I know I can't do either before giving it a decent long time and have said he should move into a flat, separate ourselves financially and just work on being friends while he tries to stay sober and sort himself out. I can be as compassionate as anything about his alcoholism but I'm also a woman whose husband has been sleeping with, texting, looking after another girl for four years and that aspect of it is killing me - even though I understand the twisted morals and utter deceit of alcoholics. I am in no doubt that he loves me and always has and unfortunately there are aspects of him that I am still very much in love with. Do my little girls deserve the chance of a better normal man in their lives who puts us first (or 2nd would do) but won't I be compromising myself hugely when the love of my life is desperate to have me back and doing everything he can to prove himself? This is is so hard and I don't know which emotion to go with.
Any thoughts, relevant tales so welcome.
Thanks x
Welcome to the SR family!
Thank you for taking the time to introduce yourself. I am sorry that alcoholism has brought you here, but glad that you are reaching out for support for yourself. This is a wonderful resource of hope, experience and strength (ES&H). Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed.
From your post you sound like a woman of strength and patience. Your daughters are blessed to have you for a mom.
I can't tell you what to do next, but I can tell you what helped me.
I started reading and posting here at SR. I started attending local Alanon meetings. I started reading self-improvement books. I spoke with a social worker for counseling. But mostly, I started taking care of myself. I had been spending so much of my precious energy chasing after, cleaning up after and trying to fix my active alcoholic. I was exhausted.
One piece of advise that was given to me early in the process of trying to sort out the chaos, was this:
I didn't arrive in this situation overnight (alcoholism is progressive), therefore,
I needed to be patient with myself and find my way through - one day at a time.
I think your plan of seperating finances and living spaces is a healthy choice. Detaching from your loved ones recovery, while you work on your own, is not selfish or cruel. It is a loving gesture to yourself and your loved one. It is a healthy way of allowing each adult to maintain control over their own personal recovery.
Here are some steps that have helped some of us:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Please let us know how we can help you. We are here to support you.