Jaguar55

I've been lurking around this forum and reading through the classic stickies and other members' posts. I've been with my ABF for seven years and have watched his illness progress and devour his soul. He's a different person now than he was when we met. I love him. But I hate his disease and his disease owns him.

He has tried for recovery several times and has succeeded in sobriety for anywhere from 6-12 months at a time. But he doesn't actually recover, just shifts his addictions around. He has a serious video game problem and this is a middle-aged man, not a twenty something. Each time he has begun drinking again it's worse than ever before and he's become increasingly abusive. The last time he was "trying" he made some progress including seeing a doctor for his mental health issues (depression, anxiety), but he didn't stick with the medication and treatment. It's like the wind went out of his sails and he gave up.

I know and have known that our relationship is doomed if he doesn't commit to a real program of recovery. And maybe still doomed even if he does. I was never exposed to alcoholism or addiction before I met him and so he was a real puzzle for a long time. If I'd known then what I know now..... The situation has progressed to the point that I am going to have to detach to survive. It's not like I haven't seen it coming, but I think it's going to be incredibly difficult and painful and I dread it.

I was wondering, does any relationship ever survive? Are there success stories, marriages that come out on the other side? From what I've read on here it looks like that outcome must be quite rare. Do people who were abusive as alcoholics reach a point in recovery that they recognize what they have done and the pain they caused? Do they discover remorse? Or do they remain abusive jerks, only now they're sober jerks? These are just a few of the many questions floating around in my head.

He and I have had no contact in more than 24 hours which is atypical for us. We had a horrific fight Sunday morning that became physical and this while his teenage kids were present.
I'm thinking, thinking hard. Maybe he is too. Maybe not.