This story hit me quite close to home having been betrayed, and a code, and not being ready to let go until I was, and saw clearly, (with alot of help from SR), and now 3 yrs. later it is like looking back at old pictures. I went to Alanon, got a sponser,went no contact,went to therapy, read the Melody Beattie books, took a meditation/yoga class and learned to quiet my mind, got healthy recovery friends, stayed busy not focusing on the XAH.....AH at the time, read all the stories on SR, slowly began to see the real deal....not what I wanted.......the real deal......got out of the judge/victim circle.....worked two jobs to stay out of my head......and busy.......it wasn't long before my AH was on Match.com saying he was divorced....he wasn't.......and for some reason that was the MIRACLE dealbreaker for me. I filed, moved, stayed doing what I was doing to take care of myself. I LET GO SO I WASN'T DRAGGED........but my poor sponser said I carried that rock around on a string for awhile.....until I let go......just let go......no more drama, no more chaos, no more worrying, no more , daily meetings, peace.....serenity......health.......happy.......a nd by the grace of God. I don't have to live like that anymore and can forgive....(for me). Mine XAH was so sick on so many levels and still is. I gave him to God too. We have the tools when if we are so lucky to start seeing the real deal. The abandonment book is really helping me at this time. I am halfway through it. It is a process. Getting out of the ICK. We are ready when we are ready and I had to take the time it took.....years.....and now I am grateful.....YES.....grateful for the lessons. We are throwing the lifeline . Let go or be dragged then grab ours and hold on. We are not a glum lot. It is fun. It is a miracle. Don't leave before the miracle happens. We are all one.....not alone.