Human beings are complex cretaures, we can feel lots of apparently conflicting things that don't fit into a nice neat package. We are not stories that make sense.
I have woken from dreams emotionally wrecked, but dreams are a relatively safe place for our minds to work through stuff.
re alanon, I suffer from social anxiety, fear of people essentially, and when I went to alanon, I was at the height of that phobia. I avoided for ages, and in the end it wasn't the most helpful thing for me (a fab therapist was), but I did eventually pluck up the courage to go through those doors and I have never felt that much unconditional love and acceptance and a total lack of judgement from any other source, honestly, it was astonishing, and I am eternally grateful for them for that.