Hello there 3jen, and pleased to "meet" you
Originally Posted by
3jen 
.... My husband is a recovering alcoholic, sober since last January. We have been married 25 yrs., have two boys ages 19 and 16. ....
Wow, congratulations on the 25 years. In today's world you guys should get a medal.
Originally Posted by
3jen .... I went to my first open AA meeting last Thurs. night, it was Speaker night. My hubby thought I would benefit from seeing first hand what the meetings were like. It was interesting, but made me feel like a stranger looking in. It is like a club/fraterity of which I am not a part of and cannot relate to, and this has very much become a part of his life.....
I know that feeling. I have been dating a young lady who is very active in the program of OA, another 12 step program much like AA. I've been to their open meetings and had the opportunity to meet some of the senior leadership from back east. Very kind and giving people, but I will _never_ be able to be a part of that club.
Originally Posted by
3jen ....Some of the people in his group have been sober for 20 yrs....yet they still attend meetings all wk....so is this now a new life-long thing in our life? ....
No. When people are brand new in any of the 12 step programs the usual procedure is to toss them in the deep end. Keep them busy every free moment of their time. That technique originate from some of the very first member of AA who came from the Navy, they knew that the best way to keep people out of trouble is to keep them so terribly busy they have no time, or energy, to get into trouble.
If every single person that walked into an AA meeting _never_ left the program, then every single meeting would be packed to the rafters with people that had over 50 years. The newbies would be in the distinct minority.
What happens is that the majority of people stick around for a few years, get their head straightened out, and then slowly reduce their participation to where they reach a "balance" between living _in_ life and attending meetings in order to be able to deal with that life _free_ of alcohol and other such addictions. Some people need more support than others. Some people have a perfectly good life and attend meetings once in a while. Other people have a really hard time dealing with reality and need to go to lots more meetings.
Originally Posted by
3jen ....Just curious how others feel or if you deal with this. ....
Go to another one of those open AA meetings. Instead of looking at all the alcoholic men who have a few years and are just begining their journey of recovery look at their wives. Walk up to them and say hello. They are feeling much the same way you are, and would love to find somebody who understands what they are going thru.
I did that with my lady. As part of her recovery from compulsive over-eating she turned to running. Many years later and she is now one of the top marathoners in the world. She belongs to a team of a dozen women that travel around the country to all these "relay" and "elite races" and who knows what else. They all have more tennis shoes in the closet that regular shoes.
oops. They're not tennis, they're "running shoes".
Anyway. She and her friends are off doing their thing _ a lot_ . And whadya know, all their husbands and boyfriends would sit at home feeling left out. So I went to some races and met some of the guys and now _we_ hang out together.
So yes, it's a strange new world that they have to live in to keep control of their addiction. I will never be a part of the OA club, but I am now a part of the "OA support" club. I don't spend as much time with my lady as I _want_ to. But if she didn't do her OA thing she would fall back into her addiction, end up dead and that would be much worse.
I'm glad you decided to join SR. I hope you find the answers you're looking for and hopefuly make some new friends.
Mike