Lost,
I haven’t posted on this forum in quite a while, but your thread is so eerily familiar to the nightmare that I lived a couple of years ago that I can’t ignore your thread.
First, please read through the RED FLAGS sticky. If I had known about this kind of information a couple of years ago, I would have run for my life when I met the man that I allowed into my life.
Attached below is the link:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...red-flags.html
I’m not going to bore you with my story, but want to point out some of the red flags that I had wish I had been aware of before I turned my life upside down by allowing the wrong kind of person into my life.
Red Flag #1: A relationship moving too fast. It takes more time than 6 months to get to really know a person. A person can hide who they really are for a very long time. The best way to get to really know whom a person is to take the time to SLOWLY get to know them and watch their actions. The push for you and your son to move in so fast after starting a relationship only 6 months ago is a huge red flag.
Red Flag #2: A person whom carries on a secret life while supposedly being in a monogamous relationship with another. I really don’t have to say anything other than this is a flaming red flag that is burning bright red for you to see from the highest point in the world.
Red Flag#3: A person whom showers another with an overkill of affection and romantic gestures at a rapid rate. Fairy tales are not real and neither is this. This kind of "attention" is not something that can last forever and people whom use this tactic usually have an ulterior motive.
Red Flag#4: A person whom claims to be working an iron clad recovery program but their actions do not match up with their words. Your significant other appears to be working a recovery program for alcoholism. Please notice that I said “appears”. The one area that I didn’t understand about addiction is that people can be cross addicted. For instance the alcoholic that was in my life was also addicted to sex and gambling too. So when he claimed that he was working a recovery program for alcoholism he very well could have been trying to, but he didn’t mention that he had replaced the addiction to alcohol with addictions to sex and gambling. A person in TRUE RECOVERY knows what all of their addictions are and is activley using the 12 steps to help achieve sobriety and recovery from them all.
Red Flag#5: A person whom leaves evidence of their affair indiscretions out in the open for their significant other to find. This is where I truly believe gas lighting and an addiction to drama comes into play. I don’t believe for a second that leaving the phone with the pictures of the other woman for you to find was an accident. This is mind games being played at an elevated level by someone whom really enjoys the whole push and pull game.
I am going to now bow out of this thread. I hope that you are smarter than I was and remove this person from your life. I lived the nightmare that is probably in store for you if you choose to stay in a relationship with this person, and I have to say that I would not wish that outcome on anyone.
Take Care of yourself and your son.