Everyone's experience with dealing with an alcoholic loved one is different, but in a lot of ways, they are very much the same, too.
As my ex alcoholic boyfriend's drinking progressed, he began to disappear at times, too. But for much longer periods than what you're dealing with today. Although he was no longer living with me at the time, he would go from calling me every day to completely falling off the map. He not only stopped calling me, but friends and family would call and tell me they hadn't seen or heard from him in weeks, either.
The first time he said his cell phone was turned off for lack of payment and he didn't have the money to get it turned back on. But not one call to anyone he knew for several months? I knew he was lying. I don't know what happened to him during those months, but one day he just called me like nothing was wrong--no explanation offered other than the lack of money excuse.
The second time he fell off the map his friends and family called me again looking for him. I didn't hear from him for several months. Then one night the phone rang and it was him--calling from an inpatient rehab facility. Apparently someone found him wandering around his parking lot with a head injury and took him to the hospital. He was treated and moved to inpatient rehab.
This was followed by a third disappearance. Only this time, I stopped fretting so much about where he was and what might be happening to him. It had become his pattern. I tried to reassure myself that he was probably in another inpatient rehab facility and did my best to go on with my life and let go of my worries.
But this time proved to be his final binge. I don't know what the disappearance of your husband means in your case, but based on my experience it's not a good sign. It's just another indication of the progression of the addiction.
It's been my experience that an active addict will say anything his partner needs to hear in order to protect their ability to drink without interruption. Claims of I'll get help or I'll change are common but rarely followed up with action on the part of the alcoholic.
When it comes to active addicts, I've learned two things:
(1) It's safe to assume that they are always under the influence of their drug of choice and
(2) It's safe to assume that they are always lying to their friends, family, and loved ones.
It's been three years since my boyfriend passed away. Watching him self destruct shattered my life into a million little pieces. And here I am today still trying to pick up the pieces and make sense of it all.
Your partner isn't the only one being harmed by his drinking. Every time he makes a promise he doesn't keep, every time he lies to you, every time he goes missing and makes your heart skip a beat and your mind play tricks on you, he's chipping away at you, too, mind, body, and soul. It breaks my heart to see this happening to others and know that I can't save them from themselves. No one deserves to live like this and nobody has to. It is a choice people make to lead happy, peaceful lives or to invite chaos into their lives.
I hope you'll stick around here for a long time. I have a feeling you're going to be needing a lot of support as you sort things out and decide what's right for you.