katie28

Hi everyone,

I had a rough night and need to get this off my chest as its eating me up inside.

My eABF broke up with me about 2 months ago. We had been together for 4 years. He had gone into rehab and left after a week and then started working the program. He broke up with me he said as he didn't want to drag me along for the roller coaster.
So for about a month we had some space, only seeing him when he was moving things out of my house. Recently he has relapsed and we have been contacting each other more.

So on Monday he said he wanted to come and see me and brought me chocolates. He said that he had gone into full relapse and that he has seen a new doctor has now suggested a new medication to help. He has stopped working the 12 steps.

So yesterday I messaged him and asked him if he wanted to have dinner. Stupid I know. I brought some food over to his house. As soon I was there he started talking about this new drug and went on and on about it. I said that I didn't come to the house to talk about drugs but I came to see how he was doing. He seemed to get angry about this. I started asking him about if he is going to start going to the gym and look for work etc but he wasn't really responsive. I then started talking about what I was doing, like mentioning I had to delay my work holiday as the landscaping people had to reschedule and he just looked so bored.

I said to him, why aren't you interested in whats going on in my life. He said that he doesn't have to pretend to care anymore as we aren't together and that basically his life is more interesting than mine. He said that I had nothing 'to bring to the table'. We dont live together anymore so he doesn't care about my backyard. This really hurt me as you could imagine. He then said that we cant be friends as its not going to work and that basically he felt trapped in the relationship with me and now he is free. He said that he didn't want to work a 9-5 job and that he just wanted to float around till he his mid 30's and then he might get settled (Its his 29th birthday in 2 weeks).

I told him that I miss my best friend and that I feel so lonely. He said that he feels lonely as well and occasionally misses me but that I am not the girl for him and that its my fault I put all my eggs in the one basket. He said that he had been leading me on, keeping in contact and giving me the chocolates and he doesn't want to give me the wrong idea as he has no interest in being with me and doesn't want to give me hope that we will be together in the future. He said that he doesn't want to be with anyone, just by himself probably because its too much effort to be in a relationship. He said that he was always on some form of drugs whilst we were together and that he thinks he was never in love with me.

I told him that if he feels this way that he then needs to get the rest of his things out of my house. He said that its my problem and cant see why the stuff can just stay there as its not in the way (its in the garage). I said that he has a few days to get the stuff out or it will be on the front lawn. He then said that he would get a lawyer and will take half my house. He pretty then forced me out of the house and said that if I don't leave he would call the cops. I was left so confused and wondered how I was back here again feeling so crap. I was crying the whole time and he just didn't care. He says he loves me as a person and will always be there for me if I needed him but I really doubt that he would.

How can it all go so wrong? I know that I sound so pathetic but I thought deep down he loved me but it seems that he loves no one but himself. I thought the little efforts he put in recently were because he did love me and want me in his life, but it seems I was very wrong. He said that I have low self esteem and I just need to move on, but I just cant seem to understand why I'm not worth fighting for? I don't really have many friends and I just feel so alone.