Well, most of this conversation has been focused on him and his qualities, bad and maybe good.
What about you lostfrmbetrayal? Do you think it's possible that because you were in a relationship with an active alcoholic you may have developed codependent behavior? Have you considered that some of your reactions and feelings may be rooted in codependency?
I too am codie and these are some of the things I have done:
Believed their stories, no matter how outrageous, not because I thought they were true, but because I wanted to think they were true,
I accepted being abused, disrespected and lied to, in exchange for love and acceptance,
I minimized past wrongs, always hoping that they would behave differently next time.
I rationalized their hurtful behavior, finding ways to define lies and deceit as something else: "they were confused, lost, desperate". I always believed they wouldn't do those things again.
I'm not talking about ex-bf's or husbands here: these are my siblings!