I feel so strongly for you, Lisa, as I was with the same type of person. ((((HUGS))) You WILL get through this, and you WILL be stronger as a result, if you let yourself make the right choices. The first red flag, that I should've listened to myself, is when someone says "I NEVER lie." No one should have to tell you that, especially right away. Him doing so just further proves that he already had plans to manipulate you, and felt the need to convince you of his worthiness from the get go. If someone is trustworthy they SHOW you that they are. Actions, Actions, Actions!
And the cheating is a character flaw of people, with or without alcoholism. Cheating can be a sign of sexual addiction, and a sign that his "10 years sober" may have just been sobriety from alcohol just shifting to a different gear. People can still get some sort of "high" out of doing what they aren't supposed to do.
My XABF was also cheating with a married woman, whom he claimed he was only with BEFORE our relationship started. I've found out many more details later on and it doesn't get any prettier from there. He also BEGGED, PLEADED, CRIED, said God will bring us back together, everything yours said. He would also tell me what "other" people told him, as yours did with his "sponsor", which I'm sure is a complete utter lie. That is a tactic to dumb you down and make you second guess your decisions.
I stayed with him for a while. The.Trust.Was.Gone! I always felt resentment. Never could take it easy, and YES, obsessively checked the phone. That is no way to have a relationship.
Just like you I also thought, well he MUST really care if he's going through SOOO much just to convince me of all of this. Well he tried hard for about a month, then gave up. And guess what? I haven't heard a peep from him in 6 weeks!
But I finally realize now that this is a GAME. I hope you can see that too. He just wants to win. It's not that he cares, it's not that he's being truthful. He doesn't want to be the loser that he probably knows he is on the inside.
I don't know where this guy really is, but I'd bet pretty much everything I own that he is not on a "quiet retreat with his sponsor." He's more that likely off with some other woman or some of his friends and they may even be reading these texts and have a grand old time laughing about it. From what you have told us about him, I have absolutely NOTHING good to say about this guy. He is a jerk and a liar and a manipulator and just a pile of dog crap that you have stepped in. Scrape him off your shoe and move on.
Suki I thought the exact same thing. I have dated men who would call me DURING their sexual escapades with the other woman.
At the end of the day though, you will make your decision, whichever you decide is best. You may have to go back a few more times, and learn the hard way. But, I do believe that our God is a just God and that you will see the light of the truth eventually. You will be just fine. Take care of yourself and don't lose hope, and also take care of your precious son, you sound like a great mother. Good luck!
