phlegmatic

Hi all,

This is my first post here. I have been reading the forums for a bit but I hope I don't make any newbie mistakes. I decided to register tonight because I think something really changed for me tonight. I'll try to make this brief.

My AH (that's alcoholic husband, right?) went missing tonight, again. He hit rock bottom earlier this summer when he went missing for three days and took all our money. Then he went to treatment, but that is a generous statement since he missed treatment more than he attended. The treatment centers around here keep telling him to go to outpatient and saying he doesn't qualify for inpatient.

I wish we could get him into inpatient as he has started selling his stuff to buy alcohol. I took away his bank card and put that and our credit cards in a lockbox because he was using all our money on alcohol. Well, "my" money since he took a medical leave of absence from his job two months ago and hasn't gone back, and his leave ended a few weeks ago.

Since he hit rock bottom earlier this summer, our lives have been reeling from crisis to crisis. Every day when I am at work, he finds a way to get alcohol and I come home to him drunk and passed out on the couch. When I'm home, he doesn't drink. But when I'm gone, he drinks.

So anyway, he was supposed to go to treatment tonight and when I came home from work, I thought he was at treatment. Then I realized more of his stuff was missing, and that he probably went out and sold it and is drinking, just not at home this time. He also left his cell phone at home so I can't contact him, nor him me.

I started to get worried sick, and I was feeling completely ill thinking about how awful the three days were earlier this summer when he was missing, and getting so angry that he would put me through that again. My mind always goes to the worst case scenario, so I am thinking he is hurt, or something worse. I hope he is not. But instead of letting my mind go down that path, something has clicked. Maybe it's because I know he can "survive" when he goes missing. But I think it's something else.

I have only been to Al-Anon once and I hated it, but maybe it was just the particular group. It was not very informational (even though it was a beginner's meeting), it was more of a group of people saying "it works if you work it!" over and over again. I didn't understand what it was. But reading these posts helps more.

I am scared, I am worried for him, but at the same time I feel oddly calm. I'm not crying. I am so exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally that I think my body knows I can't handle going through this again.

So do you have any advice for how to deal with this, when your loved one is so destructive and you are so worried for their well-being?

Thanks in advance, and sorry for the long post.