Detachment is a difficult concept. When I first thought about detaching, it felt really wrong, as though I was doing the exact opposite of being a loving, kind and considerate partner. And, in a way, that was true.
I came to understand that I couldn't be a part of a healthy marriage because a healthy marriage takes 2 healthy people. I could choose to be healthy, but that still wasn't enough because my partner wasn't healthy and wasn't willing to make some of the necessary choices. I made the decision to work a program of recovery and to become happy, healthy and whole - regardless of what he did.
Detachment meant that I started to disentangle myself from him. I started to see myself as a separate and unique individual. I started to not judge how I felt by how HE felt. I started to accept the responsibility of my own choices and my consequences, but not his. It was all very new and different to me.
Little by little, day by day, things changed. My life got better. His did not.