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Old 09-10-2010, 09:10 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
fiveyearzen
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Tyler, TX
Posts: 23
Alright. I see your points about codependency. I don't think I've crossed that line yet, but I am getting dangerously close. I suppose that's what the orignal post was about- tyring to avoid that and how best to deal with the situation.

I know I was codependent when I drank. And I was for some time after I quit. I have since recognized that behavior and done my best to diffuse it. Since then, I've found the word "codependent" to be a slippery slope. For example, I could say that those who are trying to identify me as codependent and keep me from doing it are being codependent. They could, in turn, say that I am being codependent for trying to fix their codependency for trying to fix my codependency. See where I'm going? I think it gets thrown around a lot when people are just trying to help, and that's why my initial reaction to claims of codependency is so strong. I'm not trying to fix my wife's drinking. I've told her that I have no problem with her drinking responsibly away from our home, and I honestly don't. My problem is when she comes home intoxicated, and when she brings it into the house (there are eight empty wine bottles stashed behind a stack of clothes in the closet). Those actions put me in a position where I must take measures to protect both myself and the integrity of our home (because it does affect our kids, especially her son, who is almost ten). The question I initially asked, which may not have been completely clear, was what are the best measures to take?

I think there will always necessarily be some elements of codependency in a family, because a family IS interdependent. I remember my father constantly telling me when I was in HS that what I did affected him and reflected on him. I thought that was the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard, because I was me, he was him, and the two were completely separate. Now that I am a father, my view has taken a 180. Actually, it started to change when I began teaching. I'd look at my bad students and wonder just what the heck their parents were doing. Ideally, we are all independent beings responsible for our own actions. Practically, it doesn't always play out that way, because people are inherently flawed creatures, each with their own flawed perceptions to varying degrees, all stuck on the same little planet and crashing around into one another.
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