Actually fiveyearzen, I would like to respectfully point out that codies DO try to control. Fixing is a codie behavior. But controlling is, too.
I have the dubious gift of being both codie to several alcoholics in my family as well as being a recovering alcoholic. I have tried in my codie relationships to both fix and control. (!)
Have you considered alanon and/or some literature for codependency? There are some great suggestions on this site for books and lnks.
I understand your frustration: I hope your wife comes to the realization that her drinking is a negative factor in your marriage. I denied my drinking's consequences for years. I would drink thinking that I deserved it because my marriage was not so great, blahblah.
Now I think my marriage is a good one. I don't blame my unhappiness on the people around me. Whew: what a relief.