Welcome! I am so sorry that you have found yourself in this place but know that you are not alone. For years I felt that no one else understood or ever felt like I did because I didn't reach out and connect. I have 4 children from age 10 to 2 months. The last one was a bit of a surprise since my AH was deep into his addiction. He is sober at the moment but only because he nearly lost his arm recently from a severe cut that got infected. You have received some great comments from others and I agree that you must focus on yourself and your two precious babies. They deserve a strong and healthy mother. I have been reading "Codependent No More" and it has been such a great help to me. I would recommend, if possible, to go stay with family after the birth of your baby. It will give you some help and some time to sort out your feelings. I am blessed with my parents right here with me and I couldn't have made it without them. It has taken me years to be able to truly let go of my AH's disease and focus on what I need to do differently to be healthy. You or a new baby will never be able to get him to stop drinking. It is a decision that he must make for himself whether he has you or not in his life. Try the best you can to focus on the blessing of this new baby and most of all take care of yourself.