Old 09-09-2010, 07:31 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
nodaybut2day
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Hi anonyme and to SR! I'm so glad you found this place. The people here are wonderfully supportive.

First off, let me post for you the 3 C's of addiction:
You didn't CAUSE it
You can't CURE it
You can't CONTROL it.

All the talking, convincing, manipulating, begging, raging, crying, pleading, ignoring in the world won't make an alcoholic change his ways. He or she has to decide when it's time to quit. In the meantime all you can do is focus on YOURSELF.

To answer a few of your questions:
Yes, you can refuse to kiss him. You can refuse to have sex with him. You can refuse anything you damn well please.
YES you can refuse to give him money for booze or to go buy booze for him. This was my first boundary and it felt SO good to enforce it.

Also,
"helping" = doing something for someone that he is unable to do for himself
"enabling" = doing something for someone he's PERFECTLY CAPABLE of doing for himself.

So, yah, let your AH (alcoholic husband) find his own AA meetings. If he's serious about recovery, he'll find his own way to AA.

As for the conversations you have with your AH, I urge you to read this post from the "Classic reading" stickies. It's eye-opening:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...lics-make.html

Keep reading here and keep posting as much as you like. SR is always open (and fat-free!).
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