Hi and welcome to our SR family, now your thread is me to a T. My AH was also an A before we married, cleaned up his act, we have been married 12 years this year, he also relapsed after 8 years, unlike you I couldnt find the proof, so never mentioned it until 2 years later, this last year it has really been awful, I had to take my 2 young kids and leave our house for a few days, as he trashed the place, he sobered up by himself, so thankfully we never saw. He also promised no more drinking, 2 weeks later another relapse, seems over the week end he binge drinks and it is so bad, he cant remember where he put his keys etc., I also have no idea how to help him, he wants to stop, but just doesnt have the will power. Alcoholism is progressive, and all we can do is concentrate on ourselves, you didnt CAUSE this, you cant CURE it and you Cant CONTROL it. It really is up to them! I also searched daily for evidence, but dont do it anymore, I can tell by his body language if he has drunk or not! I can tell you, I was shocked to find out how much he was drinking in a day, 1 and a half bottles of brandy. He claims he needs it for stress and pain. He refuses to go to a doctor. But recently he has been mentioning trying out AA, we are not there yet. I dont know if they can ever be cured, my Dad was a A also, he went for treatment many times, relased just as many, finally died from A at age 45. So I suppose the moral here is, look after you and the kids, detach as much as possible. But try your best to be there if he needs you, I found my AH even when he totally loses it, he knows he can still chat to me and I do find this helps, even if it is just a little. I hope this helps you. Hugs