Hi fiveyearzen
I won't debate theology with you
If you have any experience with alanon at all you'll have heard of the three C's 'you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you cant cure it'.
It's an acknowledgement that an addict has to want to change - they can't be forced to - and as an alcoholic myself I've lived that.
It's also an acknowledgement that the only person we can expect to really change is our self.
We may not be able to change our partner but we can change the way we react to the things they do, we can make sure that we're not enabling our partner, and we can make sure we look after ourselves and the rest of our family in this equation.
I encourage you to check out our Family and Friends forums, as well as this one - you'll find a lot of help and support there too.
D