Originally Posted by
hurtandangry 
hi!
new guy here......just gave wife her walking papers.
after reading some yesterday it seems as though i'm not alone as far as not being able to cope with a spouse who chooses alcohol over family.
i've done the searching for hidden bottle routine,withheld the vehicle and cash, begged and pleaded.
last week i hired an attorney and had her evicted.......now i'm doing the typical "she's a good person when she's sober" mental gymnastics.
guess i'm just looking for some cyber comroderary.
Hi Mate,
i can totally understand what you are going through. My ex (as of 4 months ago) was a heavy drinker, it actually hospitalised her for 6/8 weeks over the past xmas and New Year, she was told to stop the drinking but within 3 weeks of her release from hospital, i knew she was back on the drink, made me feel worse than I had before. I am feeling very low, even though I knew that I couldnt help her, I tried and tried over 12 years, but was always facing a constant battle. I even now still think to myself that I was to blame for her abuse, even when she told me that It was my fault it dug a knife into me just that little bit further.
i found bottles of Oasis fruit juice that were full of vodka, hidden around the house, cartons of cranberry juice (which i detest) at the back of the fridge, which were laced with Vodka, even empty bottles of Water which stunk of Vodka. I did everything wrong by confronting her and without losing my rag, tried to shame her into giving up, but to no avail. The most hurtful part is that I asked her parents to help me, they chose not to believe me that her addiction was that bad, it was almost like I was on my own, trying to convince myself that things were not that bad. Its the worst feeling in the world when you actually start to feel totally responsible for another persons actions, then feel the guilt that maybe it was in some small way, your fault. I would have given my own life just to see her stop the drinking, even now I would walk over mountains to help her, even though she does not want contact with me. Its more grinding when I remember the beautiful and kind person she was without the devil inside her, even now, I will not let anyone put her down in her abscence, as I said, she still means the world to me, although I have to accept that it is over........I am now slowly realising that it wasnt me that made her drink, it was her choice, however, i still have the grief and the feelings of mass guilt inside me that I just didnt do something properly, or didnt give her enough help to beat the demon.......
Mate, you are not alone, sometimes i will sit here and cry my eyes out knowing that someone so beautiful on the inside, someone so kind when sober and someone so loving is no longer in my life.......as I say, the guilt is the worst thing to suffer from, but equally so the resentment that i seem to have against her for no reason whatsoever is the what grinds me. I know that deep down, she will beat this, but I just wish that I was able to be part of her beating it...