My exrabf drives me nuts with his new cultish behavior with NA.
His addiction to meth drove me nuts. He would disappear for days at a time, and I always allowed him back in. That's on me, I know. I hated feeling used because he wasn't working and I supported him financially and emotionally, paying off his dealer a couple times, dealing with him through his depressive crashes. I allowed him a cell phone to sling dope on the side. He didn't MAKE me do any of it; we all make choices, and those were mine.
But we broke up in February after he got out of a 4 month rehab program. He left me, still jobless, moneyless, homeless. He went and stayed with a high school friend. He said he left because of poor communication. I didn't want to talk about our relationship because I told him he would never change. He was an irresponsible addict and he was just as irresponsible clean.
Keep in mind that he was not actively in recovery then, he was just clean. There's a huge difference between clean and recovery.
But now, he's working, he's active in NA ... he is doing EVERYTHING that I wanted him to do during his clean time with me. He is clean, he is sober, he is now working, he has dropped all the druggie friends, even those in recovery. And he doesn't want to be with me because MY life is unmanageable due to my bipolar illness. WTF?
I'm not terribly concerned about it; my life is moving forward with or without him. But I have to say that I am so annoyed that his addictive personality will not allow him to understand another's point of view, how he is never capable of moderation in ANYTHING, how he still remains entitled and arrogant, how he's unappreciative and ungrateful for all I did when I stood by him during rehab and after.
I realized after he left that I didn't do my part in being active in meetings to help me in his recovery. I figured if he wasn't going to be active and take recovery seriously, why should I? I realize now that this was the wrong way to think.
But I am still annoyed. When he got out of rehab, all I wanted was for him to get a job, help around the house and help with bills. He would clean house but never looked seriously for a job and still never helped with bills except for some money that he got from his grandmother while still in jail.
Now he is soooo active in NA that he barely speaks to me (we work together), he is never available to help me with anything (moving, getting a piece of furniture picked up, etc.). Am I wrong to think that he owes me just a little for all I did for him the previous two years? At least some gratitude?
And I am so sick to death of NA ... well, not NA, but with the way he approaches his "active recovery". He is literally obsessed with his meetings, his sponsor, his "selfish" time. He told me that he is sorry that I am so bitter towards him, but that he hopes that when it comes time for him to make amends, that I won't be any more. WTFE! He also sends me email forwards that are all about making others happy, doing for others, etc., and he WILL NOT do this for anyone but those in NA. It's as though I am a non-entity now because I am not an addict. What is that about? Because I am not a recovering addict, I am pointless? All the things I did for him are "in the past" and not worth rehashing???? Really????
NA is good, but anything can be an addiction if not handled with moderation and care, and he's turned NA into another addiction. Until he learns to handle stressors, triggers, stops acting like an anti-social jerk most of the time, and handle everything in life in moderation, he will never be successful in his recovery, IMO. He lives with his mom, and takes her for granted too (she's our boss at work). Not my problem I know, but anytime you see someone you love being hurt, it bugs the hell out of you, right?
So yeah, I'm annoyed.
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