Hi everyone,
What a week it has been. I can't believe I am here and posting. It seems to make it all more real. :/
I have been a binge drinker for many years. Mostly on weekends but it came to be most nights for the past 3-4 years. I'd probably drink 10+ drinks a night. Vodka/diet with a half shot or 3/4 shot in every drink.
It hasn't had any real negative effect on my life however. I did recently quit work to go out on my own but I made that decision for completely unrelated reasons. I held that job (senior level mgmt position for 6 years) I have never had a DUI. I have 2 kids but I typically wouldn't have my first drink until about an hour before their bedtime or after they were asleep. That hasn't always been the case though. No real "side affects" of this drinking other than feeling that I was not being in tune enough to my son who had just started school. I never "missed" anything though - always kept up with what he had to do - I just didn't do any more than that.
I was in a car accident when I was 16 (I am 42 now). I fractured my skull and just came to realize within the past 6 months that I have ADHD as a result of that. What a revelation that was! And in reading about ADHD, I learned that about 50% of people who have that use alcohol to self medicate - which is exactly what I have been doing.
I was put on Adderall several months ago. My doc doesn't talk to me about anything - she just prescribes drugs. So I have not learned to deal with it much and while the drug helps some, it doesn't help enough.
Now I am taking adderall and drinking every night. Right after I started taking adderall, I noticed my heart was racing more. Typical side affect and didn't think much of it. After that stopped happening daily, it started happening sporadically. Sometimes it gets really bad. Last weekend, I didn't take any medication at all - but it still happened. And every day, in the past few weeks I would start sweating in the middle of the day and I would wake up sweating in the middle of the night. I assumed this was all a side affect of the meds but when I had taken none last weekend and it still happened, I got concerned. Adderall does not stay in your system. You take it, it does its thing and its gone.
I started doing some research and learned... WOW... I could actually be going through alcohol withdrawal every single day! Though I work at home, I never drink during the day - only in the evenings. This could be why my heart pounds, I start sweating and I have night sweats.... hmmm.
The whole thing freaked me out. On Monday, I decided enough is enough for now and I decided to take a break from drinking. It wasn't all that difficult. I did have the sweating and some heart pounding on day 1. A bit on day 2... felt ok on day 3 and really good on day 4. The "withdrawal" wasn't really bad at all - in fact I went about my day, was out and about and I could function just fine. (seems odd to me considering how much I drink every night - it's been several months since my last "sober" night).
I didn't make the decision to "quit" at that time- I hadn't really considered myself an alcoholic (although I probably am) - I just hadn't thought about it. Scary revelation! This past weekend we went out of town and normally I get drunk every night when we travel. This time, I didn't drink at all for the first 2 nights and the second two nights I had 3 glasses of wine each night. Now I am home, and have not had any tonight.
After the first night of drinking 3 glasses, I still felt good the next day. Today, I did as well - up until about 5 pm and then I started sweating and my heart started pounding and i have been feeling sweaty and "off" ever since (going on 5 hours now).
This whole revelation about the fact that I have likely been going through withdrawal every day for a while really turned me off from alcohol and I am really freaked out and scared. This can't be my life?! However, it wasn't difficult for me to drink 3 glasses of wine and stop. But I am curious as to why this is happening after drinking just 3 glasses? And why today but not yesterday?
ugh. Now that we are home, I am going to really work on this. To be honest, I am not sure if I can "turn into" a normal social drinker - I would hate to think I can't but the fact that I am questioning it probably means I can't. But I don't want to rule out the possibility either.
I know I need to really address this but I am concerned about the physical affects - will my heart always pound the next day even if I just have a few drinks? Or did it happen this time because I was still within the week of my "detox"?
I am not planning on having any drinks for quite some time now (if ever). It's time to nip this thing in the bud.
Thanks for your help!