(((Chicory))) - though I was not living at home, when I was using, I knew I couldn't COME home unless I was clean.
I did eventually come home, clean but not recovering. I relapsed, for about 2 weeks, and I was allowed to stay home, but only because I was throwing myself into recovery. I never used at home, though, as I knew I'd be kicked out. When I relapsed, I "disappeared" for that time. I had lost my job, but immediately started applying for others, and was allowed to work in another restaurant of the same chain I'd been let go, only because I was a darned good worker. They knew all about my history (I was locked up in a diversion center when I was hired).
I knew I would have to build back trust, so I did. I called if I was going to be late, I always answered my phone or called back asap (me disappearing and not answering phone calls was a BIG sign that I was out using). I contributed at home, in whatever way I could. I finally JOINED SR, after lurking for over a year, and clung to it as my lifeline. I learned that I'm as much a codie, as I am an addict, maybe moreso, and I couldn't work ONE recovery without the other.
I'm almost 11 years older than your son, and still living at home because of the financial ruin I put myself into when using. However, I pay bills, I work 2-3 jobs, and am about to go back to college next month.
Had I been allowed to stay home, and use? I'd not be coming up on 3-1/2 years clean. I wouldn't know that consequences SUCK, and I wouldn't be at the point where I'll do everything I can, to not have any more BAD consequences come back and bite me in the butt.
I had to be a street-walking, homeless person to get to this point. I could have come home, at any time, but wasn't ready to give up the life of using until the consequences just kept coming, and coming, and coming.
I will forever be grateful to my family. They loved me enough to say "we DO love you, but you've got to be clean or you won't live here". Interestingly enough, my dad and stepmom are codies. The only thing my dad has held a steadfast boundary in, is my using. I use, I'm out. He enables everyone else in the family, except me, and I consider that a gift...one I'm going to take every advantage of, because him being tough on me, helps me.
I am blessed to know love from my family, but also to know it has boundaries. This helps me stay in recovery. My family went on with their life, while I was out using, and when I finally got my head clear enough, I realized I wanted back IN that life. Though I know I caused them a terrible amount of pain, I'm glad that they went on in life. I missed out on my nephew being born, he and my stepsister almost dying with his birth. Today, I can go down the road and visit them, and am shown unconditional love. The same stepsister later got addicted to klonopin, and she came to me for help. What a gift!!
I know this is long, but I guess my main point is I wouldn't be able to enjoy all the gifts in my life if my family hadn't let me find my way to this point. My recovery is mine, I've worked it more than anything I've ever done in my life. However, I can truly appreciate the people who love me, because they stood back, while I was hurting them to no end, and said "we'll be here for you when you get your life together". YOU can't do this for him, he has to get to this point on his own.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy