Old 09-05-2010, 01:17 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Kindeyes
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Lexiecat...thank you for that perspective. I have no doubt that my AS is in great pain. It's very hard not to take it personally when it's your son or daughter. But I'm working on it. I recognize that the disease has possessed the body of the person I call my son. I only pray that he reaches that critical mass before he self destructs and dies.

coyote....basically that's where we are right now...no contact. I'm holding to the belief that no news is good news. He is still breathing. And out of self preservation, for me, it is best that I remain no contact until or unless HE decides to find recovery. Without that, I'm afraid I just don't have it in me to smile and fake that it's ok that he behaves the way he does. It's not ok for me.

I've been in denial for a very long time......even though I've been going to meetings, reading, hanging here on SR. I've been in the "I love my son" -- "He's a good person beneath the addiction" -- "If only he would decide to stop using drugs" mode of operation. I haven't been honest with myself. He and I (due to his addiction) have had a one way relationship--his way. And I simply can't function within that type of relationship.

Right now.....for me.....space and time and separation is the medicine I need to heal and move forward with my life. And working the steps.

gentle hugs
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