Originally Posted by
Kindeyes 
gotahavfaith
You expressed it much better than I did. You captured EXACTLY how I feel when my AS is whirling around......I begin to whirl too. I lose ME. As I get more opportunity to find my serenity though.... I'm findthat that the whirling feeling feels even worse because there is stark contrast.
I haven't had contact with my AS in a little over three weeks now. I find that my life is much more manageable when he is not creating disruption. The question I have is.....can I have a relationship with my son or will it always be unmanageable? I truly think that until he seeks recovery and stops the drinking and drugging........his behaviors won't change and THAT is what I find intolerable. I simply don't want to be around him when he's using. Not in a judgemental kind of way....he has the right to lead his life any way he wants to.
I have lost the child that I knew and raised. He is chosing who he wants to be now. And to be real honest.......I love him......but if he was not my son.....he would not be someone I would associate with because he's unpleasant to be around.
gentle hugs
Kindeyes....yours is not an unusual story. I can hardly imagine how my parents dealt with MY insanity (other than denial, that is).
Have you considered checking out Alanon and getting the benefit of lots of folks who share your experience, feelings and sense of unmanageability? He is going to do what he does, and it's unlikely that you can change it (that being part of the insane thinking). But you may be able to learn to see things differently through the recovery lens of alanon.
I always need to remind myself that whenever I have a problem with someone else....it's MY problem, not theirs.
blessings
zenbear