Mr.Sofa used to tell Me all the time that he would be dead if it weren't for Me in his life.
I gobbled that up like a BIG BOWL OF ICE CREAM!!!
"I feel ashamed that I haven't achieved it consistently yet."
Don't be. We're as addicted to them as they are their DOC. At some point you hit your own emotional bottom and decide to really do the hard work to find happiness. It took Me 10 years living with an active addict and 42 years of being codependent to "Wake up and smell my own coffee!" I knew I needed to do things differently, and I see now that I am not alone or unique.
That's what led us here.
BIG SOFA HUGS to you. You are doing the right thing for yourself.