I know he's in a better place now and I know he's not suffering anymore but I can't help but wonder if there was something I could have done....if I could have been better...would it have saved him? probably not I'm just scared I'm never going to go back to being the person I was before he got sick...will I ever be happy again?
I'm so sorry for your loss.
My nephew asked similar questions to yours soon after his dad died.
The only ones I could answer were the ones where he asked if it was his fault, if he could have done something and what did he do wrong so his dad didn't love him enough to live.
I told him, and I'll tell you now, it wasn't his fault (and it isn't your fault)
there was nothing he could do (and there was nothing you could have done)
and he did absolutely nothing wrong, his daddy loved him more than life itself, but he was sick and either couldn't or wouldn't help himself, nothing my nephew (or you) ever did made any difference in the end.
My nephew never knew anything but the life his parents lead (both alcoholics) until 2 years ago, he misses his mum and dad naturally, but he's twice the kid he was, and happy and healthy.
I'm not in any way saying anything like 'if he can do it, so can you' everyone is different and I have to admit my nephew has coped better than I have at times. (His dad was my brother) but my nephew has been an inspiration to me, the way he's bounced back and got on with a 'new' life is great.
I think you will be happy again, and perhaps a happier stronger person for all you've learned.
Sending hugs x