Hi tyty and welcome to SR.
I'm vewry sorry for your loss.
And I comment you reacing out to talk to others about it.
I hope you'll keep posting ehre,
and as you can see -
sad though it is the reason that brought you here -
the situation is not an unknown one here.
I hope for you to gain some understanding
and get some insight into yourself
andpossibly the disease of alcoholism...
and make some new friends.
Welcome.