gotahavfaith
You expressed it much better than I did. You captured EXACTLY how I feel when my AS is whirling around......I begin to whirl too. I lose ME. As I get more opportunity to find my serenity though.... I'm findthat that the whirling feeling feels even worse because there is stark contrast.
I haven't had contact with my AS in a little over three weeks now. I find that my life is much more manageable when he is not creating disruption. The question I have is.....can I have a relationship with my son or will it always be unmanageable? I truly think that until he seeks recovery and stops the drinking and drugging........his behaviors won't change and THAT is what I find intolerable. I simply don't want to be around him when he's using. Not in a judgemental kind of way....he has the right to lead his life any way he wants to.
I have lost the child that I knew and raised. He is chosing who he wants to be now. And to be real honest.......I love him......but if he was not my son.....he would not be someone I would associate with because he's unpleasant to be around.
gentle hugs