Originally Posted by
goodenough 
We were able to talk some, and he was able to communicate way better than before about how his feelings of pain and fear are so raw without alcohol that he can't deal with being at home or with me in any kind of thoughtful, aware way.
Welcome to SR goodenough! I am going to ditto what the other's said about sober living or some other living arrangements for your husband. If he can't "deal with being at home" or be able to treat you in "any kind of thoughtful, aware way" then maybe he shouldn't be near you until he can treat you with respect.
I knew the second that the verbal abuse started up again (after rehab) that my husband was drinking again. I'm not sure about your relationship, but my husband has never, ever sworn at me or called me names while sober.
I totally understand your predicament. I have been through this many, many times... all the doubt ~ is he drinking? not drinking? going to drink? this is how he acts when he's drinking... hmmm. I'm not sure... he says he's not drinking... it's a merry go round ride that I have decided to get off.
It no longer matters to me WHY he is mistreating me! It only matters to me if he does. And as for me, I have been called an F****** B**** for the very last time. So, I understand how hard this is and my advice is totally do as I say and not as I do (or have done, in my case). Trust your instincts!