Welcome to the SR family!
Thank you for taking the time to introduce yourself and tell us some of your story. Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. We are here to support you.
You seem like a smart lady. Your recovery is showing in how you did not engage with your raging AH. Good on you!
I am concerned, like the previous posters, that you are trying to do the impossible by detaching from verbal abuse. Labelling the abuse as a byproduct of years of alcoholism/immaturity is like justifying the abuse. There is no justification of verbal abuse.
You deserve to be treated with respect by your life partner. Some type of seperation may be helpful to you both as you continue to work on your recoveries.
((hugs)) and prayers for peace in your recovery!