Thread: advice
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Old 09-02-2010, 07:48 PM
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Pelican
peaceful seabird
 
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!

You will find lots of information, support and wisdom here.
I recommend the permanent posts (stickies) at the top of this forum. Some of our stories are in those posts. I always find nuggets of wisdom when I read there.

I'm glad you have checked out Alanon meetings. Those have been a great help to me in taking my focus off the A (alcoholic) in my life and putting the focus back onto the only life I have control over: Mine.

As a parent, I also have control over my children's lives. I need to take care of them as well as myself. As the sober parent, I am their protection and support. I had spent so much time obsessing over another adult's behavior (my A) - instead of focusing on their lives. Ugh! That is when I started to realize that I was co-dependent.

I had allowed another persons behavior (an adult) to affect my life, and I had become obsessed with controlling that other person (an adult). I was as crazy as my alcoholic.

I began studying codependency. I highly recommend Melodie Beatty's book "Codependent No More".

You asked: Is that normal in recovery to advise to distance your relationships.

yes, that is a normal recommendation.
An alcoholic gets sober, but their body has a long road of recovery from active addiction. Every cell in their body has become addicted to alcohol and it takes time for the body to learn to process regular food and nutrients again.

It takes at least 30 days of sobriety for the liver to even begin to recover from active drinking. It can take months before the "brain fog" begins to lift. There are all these physical and mental changes happening in the first 6 months. The emotional and spiritual changes start later. Throwing in the needs of another adult (relationship) on top of all those changes is risky to the alcoholics sobriety.

Isn't the recovery of your A partner the priority?

I recommend focusing on your own recovery from addiction to an addict, possible codependency and mostly on the life of an 11 year old girl that needs you.

Let us know how we can help. We are here to support you.
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