People who threaten suicide because they are seriously at a point of being unable to cope with life are one thing. People who use suicide threats as a means of keeping someone else an emotional hostage is something else entirely.
Personally, I can no longer allow myself to be manipulated in this way. I have accepted that my AS could elect to take his own life and I have no control of that. God knows that I want him to live. I want him to be drug free. But I can't make him do anything that he doesn't want to do and I can't stop him from doing something that he is hell bent on doing
I am so sorry you are going through this too. I know it sucks and hurts and is scary. I love what KindEyes wrote because it exactly describes how I feel about my RABF and what we went through- he has threatened suicide/return to drug use if I were to leave him. Well, for all intents and purposes right now we are not together and I am putting the focus back on myself. I'm sure he is suffering and it makes me sad sometimes, but come on! This is MY life.
My RABF is a sick person. Yours is too. It's not that they don't want these things, it's that they really doesn't know or trust themselves enough to apply themselves to any kind of recovery. It's sad and it's sick. You are doing the right thing. You know that you don't want to be sick anymore and so you are creating space so that you can heal.
Honestly, this sounds terrible, but sometimes I think
"what if RABF actually went through with it and died?" and then I feel relieved. GOD FORBID. but i'm sick of the daily stress of wondering if he's gonna be alright or not. and i want to be FREE FROM HIS MANIPULATIONS. even though i love him, his manipulative and emotionally abusive behavior has been strangling me for years and i had no idea how much i was suffocating until i found SR and al-anon and started trying to make some healthy changes.
i know it hurts now and is scary, but you are doing so well! you are fighting for YOUR life here, and it's a beautiful thing. we are all here for you. give yourself the gift of recovery and support! maybe even get a little angry--- how DARE someone pretend to put their life in your hands! UGH.
:day6