How can I let got of other's problems instead of trying to solve them?
I have a really good friend, who, whenever I tell her about any of my problems. . she just nods and listens and acts so calm. I F*CKING HATE IT. i find it really smug. i don't wanna be that smug person. look at me judging. well, can't help it right now.
I, of course, do have the other problem where I really think I am supposed to offer solutions to people, specifically any member of my family or my RABF.
I just wonder. . what is the point of listening to someone complain and cry about their lives if we don't offer advice? It's fine in al-anon because. . . well we are all there to work. But other people. . . I mean, GOD. I get sick of hearing the same crap over and over. I'd honestly rather not even listen. It's not my job to be a sounding board for people who aren't in recovery and working toward self-awareness, is it?? I realize this sounds harsh and maybe it's because I'm in a very selfish part of my recovery right now. . . which is figuring out what I want and how to create space for myself. So I just feel like if people wanna bug me with their problems, I'm gonna give them some advice and if they don't wanna hear it, please leave me alone. Maybe I'm involved with a whole lot of toxic people, lol. Or maybe. . HUH. . maybe my perception of their wants and needs is a little bit off. Oh, ya think N&D?? Man. . . "always put the focus back on yourself."
Okay. . . so one way for me to let go of other's problems. . for me right now, would be not to engage people in these types of discussions. And when they are foisted upon me, I will need to change the subject or leave the conversation. Sorry Kindeyes, I know you are a lot farther along than me and that might not help. But I am really feeling like I just need to remove myself from situations that tempt me to fix. At least for now. This means not taking people's phone calls, not going out a lot. . . just for now. I'm not trying to do it meanly, but it seems to be what I need at the moment.