I just came from my 2nd Al-Anon meeting and this question about unmanagability was tonight's topic as part of the Step One discussion.
My A isn't in my life anymore yet I still give him power over my thoughts. I think about him every hour of every day. I miss him. I want to be his cheerleader in his recovery, if he is still working on his sobriety. I want to be the one who is there for him. I want to share his days and nights with him. I want it to be me.
THAT is what has made my life unmanagable, thinking about him constantly. It is affecting my 25-year career and my relationships with the people in my life. It has stolen my authentic joy. I let it have that kind of power over me.
We read from the One Day at a Time in Al-Anon book tonight, the May 14 reading about submission vs. surrender in admitting we are powerless. I cannot wait to know that I have truly surrendered. I can't wait to have that peace in my unconscious as opposed to just knowing in my head that I am powerless.