Originally Posted by justjo

Hi Chicory

You keep saying that you think your son has a mental problem and at 38 he cant do it all by himself and that you dont ever think he is capable. Thats like saying that a blind person will never be able to go out in the sunshine and find their way to the store simply because they are blind. You know that is b_llsh_t, dont you.


Thank you jj, for saying it is not too late. God bless you, for being so lovingly strong for your precious son. I hope that he is doing well.

My daughters also think that he will never make it on his own. I think that it is the fact that you cannot talk to him. reason with him. get him to listen. he has a very stubborn mindset. he does not wish to let go of his joys- drink and pot. This is the hardest part for me, I thought the same, I thought that my son and sister might not ever make it. My sister didnt but my son does try hard. Instead of resenting him, disliking him and thinking he was never gonna make it, I decided to praise him instead. It was for the most silliest thing, like, what a great hair cut, or thanks for coming over for tea, I loved seeing you. I could see my son stand taller when I did this. See, I had spent years putting him down and lifting him back up again. All he needed was for me to be proud of him (he told me that crying one day) show him that i loved the son I gave birth to. He knew who he was but got into bad groups etc etc
do you mean to say that there is never a mental condition in a person that can make it impossible for them to make it on their own? what about homeless people who never make it?Im not saying that every person with a mental condition can make it on their own 100%, the drugs and alcohol your son has been using for years has altered his mind set, My son was the same. the drugs changed his moods, who he was. What Im saying is, if you let go, leave him to it, he may decide he wants his own life after all

I think that it is unclear if my son has a mental condition or if he is mentally impaired from being an alcoholic (i believe) and an addictive person , living his hellish life, which he could possibly change. I hold a small hope. and I do admit that maybe it is entirely possible for him. but I am so afraid that it is going to take a great big change, for him to want change, and to want to not abuse drugs and alcohol.Yes for sure, the big change will be for you to take a step back and let him make decisions on his own. There is always hope and we will never know what the future holds. But one thing for sure, I know for me, my future is what I want it to be and no one can do that for me. Its the same for you. You can worry every day growing older and live his miserable life or you can decide that today you want to smile or not.
I appreciate you, and thank you,
chicory