Hi Chicory
Please dont take this the wrong way because you know I do care. Your son is 38, ok, my son was 16 (not even an adult) when he left my home because of drugs and alcohol. Still a baby in my eyes and I didnt know if he was safe or warm, fed or happy. An absolute nightmare!! I got the occasional phone calls with a 'help' me mum and the torment of having to say no, just about killed me.
You keep saying that you think your son has a mental problem and at 38 he cant do it all by himself and that you dont ever think he is capable. Thats like saying that a blind person will never be able to go out in the sunshine and find their way to the store simply because they are blind. You know that is b_llsh_t, dont you.
Even if your son truelly does have some kind of impairment, he still can make it in his life if he wants it. Maybe he knows what you are thinking, that you think he cant do it on his own, therefore, he has decided this is the case and uses you in the meantime.
Seriously Chicory, I spent years worrying about my son and once I decided I had a life too, went to work, made friends etc etc and showed him that he wasnt all I thought about, he actually stood up and started taking notice. Heck, he wasnt the 'priority' in my life after all. This is when he had to think about surviving himself without me. Your son is 38 but its still not too late.
I know its hard to think differently right now and I dont know if you have work, retired, hobbies etc but think about doing some of these things. Get your focus elsewhere, and slowly you will find yourself thinking about 'what I have got on today' - 'not what he has on today'
JJ