Thank all of you so much. The crazy thing is that she would always contact me when we broke up before. That night when I left she called me on Saturday and acted like nothing happened. I am the one going crazy wondering why she hasnt contacted me. I often ask myself why am I doing this? I feel she has moved on so fast and she may have. Is it normal to be an addict and not be emotional or affectionate? I am so confused about this. I am hurting so much! I ask myself what I miss! And to be honest it is the routine of trying to make her see that I loved her. She often said that what she was doing was wrong she just doesnt know how to stop. So many night when she would say Shay I am just going out for a few beers then I will be home. I would realize the day and say no your not this will be an all nighter. And I would be right. So then around 1am I would start calling texting. She would say to me if you would just stop making a big deal about it maybe I would come home. If you just let me be me. So I asked her and myself does being an addict really define who you are. Like I said before she has been in rehab four times for crack and never alcohol. She say her dad was one he passed and the only way she feels close to him is by being out in a bar. I have never judged her. But, when you are in a relationship and you say you love them actions speak louder then words. I find myself wondering if she has been cheating on me as well. Our sex stopped back in April and she said it was because of me and the fighting. In the beginning it wasnt so bad. Her friends would say to me why dont you just go with her. My response would be why!!! So I can babysit her. Not have a good time then fight with her about who will drive. Sometimes, I just feel so helpless in my own head. The wondering the wishing. I am very new to this whole thing. I am hoping to get to an Al Anon meeting this week. And I have an appointment with a therapist on Saturday. I miss her more then I ever thought I would. She said all you do is run. And for me that is all I know. I wonder if she misses me or realizes what she has done. Does she care? I am so happy that found SR. Again, thank you all so much for being ears a shoulder to cry and more importantly a shoulder to cry on.