I was also on a "mission" to save my XAH. It doesn't work and ends up making us crazy. I was also the child of an alcoholic and was used to the drama/chaos....it looked normal...but is not but was what I was used to. I couldn't save my parents so I really wanted to save him. I ended up with PTSD from it all. Work the program you wish she would work. Go to Alanon and share and read the Melody Beattie books. She was your addiction. Total no contact really is best but I have broken that rule until I now am sure I am done with him unless he gets into recovery. It is a progressive, fatal disease. You end up sobered up locked up or covered up. You could also use Coda groups...and ACOA. There is alot of experience, strength, and hope here. Glad you are here for me........to help me remember where I came from.