Step One
I AM POWERLESS (for some reason I want to SHOUT those words SCREAM THEM) and my life has become unmanageable (which is pretty obvious since I have this desire to SHOUT...particularly since I am not a yelling kind of gal).
If Step One is the foundation of all 12 steps, I have a lot of work to do just to be able to say the words calmly. I am powerless over others. I can only control myself and my own reactions to situations. CONTROL. If I really desire control.....I need to start with me. When I try to control others, I lose control of myself (I like that Ann).
Acceptance. I need to accept this fact.........I am powerless.
Step One is kicking my butt too.
My therapist suggested that I notice all of the beautiful things in my life and say "What did I do to cause _________" Such as "What did I do to make the sky so beautifully blue today." (Answer....nothing). "What did I do to make the stars shine so brightly." (answer....nothing). "What did I do to make all those flowers bloom?" (well......a little bit....I planted them and watered them but I didn't actually MAKE them beautiful--I just gave them the opportunity). She was doing this to show me the degrees of "control" that we have over things, people and events around us. And that's where I get all messed up.
I need to realize that I gave my AS all kinds of opportunities but he made choices that I did not control. I need to accept that and control my reaction to that reality.
Thank you again everyone.....all of your words inspire me, touch me, and help me change ME. (But that doesn't mean that any of you are controlling me....lol)
gentle hugs