I LOVE this story. Love it. Yes, it looks to me like your HP is doing for you waht you cannot do for yourself.
Seems to me you're being handed a gift, like the bazillion you handed your son. He spit on your gifts, what will you do with this one?
I hope you take this time of no contact from him and really focus on YOU. What you need. How to make that happen.
Just like so many post about here, when we are no contact with the A, we become clear headed.
I know you love your son, but we can't change others, only ourselves. And when we become the change we want to see in the world, the world changes.
What you're describing about your home life with him, and this is my interpretation, is a man locked in his own hell of addiction, and you sacrificing your life to live in it too, right next to him. Taking the blame. Trying to help in the only ways you know how.
He's not your father Sweetheart.
I hope you go to fifty bazillion al anon meetings while he's gone and develop a plan of action for when he gets out, while your head is clear. And I also strongly recommend you don't speak to him or offer help. He's a grown man, one that is perfectly comfortable blaming you, abusing you and then switching to a man child that needs your help. He's sick and needs help-and you can't give it to him. I can't help my AH, and thank the heavens I no longer want to. But it took leaving him to get there, otherwise the guilt ran my life.
He started blaming me, for not gettting to doc, and I said "I dont want you taking pills and staying here anyway son. It just came out. I would not have said it had i had a moment to think . he was being really strung out, does not sleep, may have been taking some sinus meds, like last week, when he hit a hole in the wall, cause i took my sinus pills before he could take more.
he had a container of chip dip, and started saying " I knew it" you just want to control what I take.". he was ticked off last week,
What's wrong with stating your boundaries with him? Are you saying he hit the wall and made a hole because you had taken your sinus pills before he could?
Psuedoephidrine is what people use to make CRACK and people who abuse it are dangerous. I bet your HP did dial that phone. What a gift!
I hope you're ok. I hope you're working to shift your thinking from your son to yourself.
big big Hugs!