Thanks for tips and validating this is not normal.
Our money is now going for therapy for me (very expensive), and possibly saving for a funeral (they don't do funerals on credit).
My Dad was a practicing attorney, the couple that set them up are attorneys (who are of not help at all - could not even get them to file a Restraining Order to stop the calls to my husband's work - they just say they aer sorry).
The funeral director told me that the wife if the benifciary (sp) gets the money and burial money and if she has power of attorney has all say in the matter - and he has had these situations turn ugly - she even has the right to have his body donated to science.
A specialist elder attorney or estate attorney might be of some help, but again, people are not that acceptable to payments or advice (as far as I have found). But once again that puts me in the stressful situation of calling and asking/pleading for help.
So far the Adult Protective Services have been good and they are looking into the no money for burial situation - but all findings are confidential and they cannot tell me anything.
APS also told me that any calls, threats of him being dead, texts, etc are retaliation and can be reported.
Sort of am on a run around. My other siblings - could care less about any of this at all. One sister in another country is concerned but that's about it. One is so fed up they said 'donate his body to science'. The other does not even talk to him.
Again: a totally crazy making situation, literally.
But reading about all the posts about alcholics in the family relationships have helped me a lot and have applied certain concepts to try to help me -
you guys are great and very knowledgeable!