Ann

I remember when I first began working the steps, how easy it all appeared. I figured I'd have all 12 mastered in about a week, maybe two. HAH, nice try Codie Ann.

My CoDA Step One: We admitted we were powerless over others and our lives had become unmanageable.

Well, the second part was obvious...my life was an unmanageable mess.

I just couldn't connect how admitting the first part would ever have anything to do with the second part.

But my sponsor and those who went before me just told me to work more at where I was and stop thinking ahead. I wanted what they had, so I listened.

I admitted that I was powerless over my son's addiction. I admitted it again and about 100 times a day. Each time I began obsessing, I admitted it again. When he didn't go to his meeting, I admitted it again. When I was going to "help" him do what he needed to do for himself...I admitted it again.

I said it out loud, I wrote it down and I thought it often, like a prayer. I think I drove my husband nuts, lol, but I had to really accept it by "applying" it all day. It was then that I realized what a controlling enabler I had become...and how futile it was to think I had any "control" over anyone but myself. Eureka! An "AHA" moment...I really WAS powerless over others.

Here's where the connection came to the next part.

Once I finally (I think it took weeks) "accepted" (almost with relief) that I was powerless over others...especially my son and his addiction...I could start sorting out that awful mess that my life had become.

We admitted that we were powerless over others and that our lives had become unmanageable.

What a concept! What a truth! Who knew?

Now that I had figured out I was powerless, I needed to clean up the insanity in my life....Step 2 promised to do that and I could hardly wait.

The thing is...and here's the catch for me...I had to return to Step 1 often, and repeat the exercise, otherwise I could feel it slipping away on me and my efforts to control or obsess would begin creeping back.

So Step 1 was probably my hardest. Without it firmly in place, all the other steps would crumble beneath me and set me back again...much like Snakes and Ladders, lol, and it is one that even today, many years into my recovery, I have to repeat it often.

This is the step on which all the others rest.

The best advice I ever got was to take my time and stop looking ahead. This was the most important step of all, the one that would take me gratefully on to the others.

Sorry for the long share, I think I needed to think this step out loud again. And I hope that in my sharing there is at least one little piece of light that may help the newcomer.

Hugs