Thread: Rough night
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Old 08-29-2010, 12:12 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Bernadette
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,927
Hi Jessi-
Sounds like a good solid plan you've got going there! Remember, just like you commented on STBXAH (soon to be ex alc husband!) suddenly needing to weed the yard NOW when the weeds have been there for months - take it easy on yourself- this relationship has been bad a long time and you can take the time to extricate yourself as smoothly as possible.

As far as your teenagers you said "I don't know how I'm going to repair the damage that's been done to him, that I've allowed, but I will do everything I can."

You aren't going to be able repair that damage. Do you know what I mean? Just like we aren't really qualified to help the alcoholic and trying to help them leads to a lot of pain all around, we really can't fix our kids either! Your kids will have to pick this work up and make it their own! But you are setting a great example by taking care of yourself and them and by removing them from this toxic environment. And you can provide them with tools, and support for sure, like AlAteen (Welcome to Alateen), or counseling, and books, and just encouraging conversation and listening, etc.

For me the hugest thing when I was growing up would have been if someone, anyone (mom would have been nice but no way!) had just looked me in the eye and said "This family dynamic is not healthy or normal, and it's because of alcoholism, and it's not your fault. Here are some ways you can learn about it and get help."

I felt so alone and confused (and I have 4 siblings!). When my father would act out aggressively while drunk it really messed with my head, and then mom was there pretending everything was normal all the while she was a seething raging maniac inside! Yuk - that tension!

I know you have struggles ahead, but I really admire you taking these steps and protecting your children! Bravo. Baby steps will still get you where you want to go. And the journey will be shining example of recovery for your kids!

Peace-
B
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