Jess, I think you are at a real turning point here. You are ready for change but just not sure how to make that change happen and that's totally, 110%, A-okay!
Nobody knows how all the little details are going to come together or how it's all going to work out in the end, all they every really start with is a desire to change and you have that.
Leave the big picture up to your higher power. You focus on the next safe and right decision for you. If that means detachment and boundary work and a whole bunch of avoidance of him (just what I did) to keep things safe while you squirrel away your money and make a plan to exit the relationship, then that's what works for you.
Sometimes the best move is no move at all. You know what you want but not how to get it. Wait and let the answers be revealed to you. It really does work that way. While you're waiting, work on your recovery tools. Consider the 12 steps and maybe share those with your kids. You may find they have a point of view you weren't expecting.
In my opinion, discussions mean nothing to an active alcoholic. Want to have a discussion with one, do yourself a favor and go outside and talk to a tree. It's just as productive but without the negative nastiness that come with talking to a drunk, and tress are prettier to look at by in large.
Remember, you are ready and open to change and that is 95% of the battle. The last 5% is just logistics.
Best to you!
Alice