Originally Posted by
phillypup 
Sounds familiar. When I criticize, or even just tell him he's hurt me, his favorite response is "I've never had anyone tell me that I've hurt them so much" (um, yeah, because no one has ever stuck with you this long).
My ex can't fathom "what he did" to bring us to the point we are at now. When I tell him (yet again), he apologises. "I'm sorry seems to start every sentence.
Originally Posted by
phillypup "Just tell me what to do" isn't a solution. I tell him, and one part gets done, then the rest falls to the way side.
I stopped telling him what to do or make suggestions. All he did was pay lip service to them, but never follow through.
When we went through the song and dance again last week, he asked me once again what he should do. I told him that "he" should stop asking me because "he" never listened to me anyway.
Originally Posted by
phillypup I'm only now discovering that my happiness has been stunted by his actions, and I've let it be that way under the guise of "spending time with my husband" rather than doing what I wanted to do.
Since I have walked away, I have connected with a woman who does volunteer work at the same place I do. We have spent time together as we have a lot in common and it has made me realize how much I missed out on - the normalcy of going for a coffee, having a conversation about whatever, one that didn't involve drinking, with someone who shares a lot of common interests.
The Ex always ridiculed my going to Al-anon or the fact that I had people to call on for support. He would always get the dig in that "we" never spent time together "on the weekends because I had my Saturday meeting. I shot back-about his work over the weekends at the same time as the meetings, but that was "different". I stopped arguing with that flawed logic.
Originally Posted by
phillypup By babysitting him, I can keep an eye on his drinking, try to curtail it, when I should not have to do these things at all.
I did that as well, especially last summer-mind you, I had good reason-when he was in full binge mode, I did not trust him to be alone with my dog. When I read a similar story in "Co-Dependent No More", I realized that I was trying to control his drinking by being around it to keep my eye on it.
Originally Posted by
phillypup I think I'm off topic, sorry. Personally, I would turn the tables - "What do you think would make me happy?" I don't know if that's considered correct or not, but heck, he's your husband, he should know SOMEthing about you and be able to do something nice. Isn't that what wives do all the time?
Mine asked me what would make me happy and I told him that I want to live a non-chaotic, serene life. For me, that means living without active addiction in my life. If he can't make me happy that way, it's up to me to create my own happiness and that's what I'm trying to do these days - a day at a time.