There is danger ahead.
I realized that -
I have been trying to change myself to deal with /please him. Cause I'm the one with over reaction problem. I'm the one who was mad all the time, who couldn't get over the past.
But when I don't reaction, he pushes my buttons, tests me. And it's getting worse.
Christie be more easy going (so the digs are easier to take)
Christie be more tolerant (so that the underlining insult doesn't hurt as much)
oh it's just a joke, your too sensitive, what - your mad at that?
I tried to talk to him tonight, my God what it turned into. What happened to having a conversation? He could even hear what I was saying. That look in his eyes, mocking me, laughing, judging. Heartless *******!
Now that I'm aware of the Gaslighting thing and I wouldn't take it this time. I couldn't believe the sh*t that was coming out of his mouth. It was like he was drinking. The sarcasm, name calling, twisting, blame-shifting, just meanness, all of it.
The only thing could say was - of course your an alcoholic that's what they say - classic dry drunk.
I must have just been in denial, ignoring all the little things. Giving in not to make trouble.
Maybe it has nothing to do with being an alcoholic, maybe he's just a nasty person at heart and the niceness is just an act. I've thought that often.
I have no idea what now. Nothing there's nothing to do.
i do feel the saddest I have felt in along time. I thought he was changing. I thought he was getting better.
DAMN IT!!! I think I like it better living in denial.