silkspin

That's my father-in-law who we've coined a quiet alcoholic - doesn't affect daily life (per se) but there is always wine or beer with dinner and a hard drink or 2 nightly before bed. I agree, may not be an issue but they seem to still need it.

My AH's problem crept up on us - after university partying died down, his drinking didn't. For a long time I thought he just had trouble adjusting to growing up - pairing off, getting married. He finally went to AA (for a little while) after trying treatment to control his intake and it didn't work. He's been sober just over a year and then started to drink socially at his baseball games this summer. He tried very hard to keep it sociable and unfortunately the slope got more and more slippery. I posted here too at that time - maybe he had just been a problem drinker - he himself told me that back then he was immature, had learned a lot this past year and wouldn't want it to go back to where it was. And, it was a failed experiment. He simply could not control it after he'd had the first taste. Early in the relapse he thought he could handle it said to me that he was ok with stopping when he knew there was more in the cooler. About a week or so later he told me that he actually felt anxiety when he knew the booze was running out. Well that says everything. It downward spiraled very fast despite his best efforts and intentions, and has voluntarily returned to AA after a particularly bad weekend.

I guess there are people out there who use alcohol to soothe or escape more than others but maybe the difference is that they could still control it if they wanted to. In any realm there is a continuum. Some of us eat more than others, some gamble more, some less. So some may drink more than others. The addict is the one who cannot control it and if you fall in that category, abstinence is likely the only solution.