Originally Posted by
JessiJoy 
My husband and I haven’t been speaking to each other. It’s been months. I started it. I was starting to get clear on some things and just didn’t have the emotional energy to pretend that I cared when he would complain about the stupid choices his parents, siblings, coworkers and politicians were making. And I realized that his drinking and anger weren’t my fault – it wasn’t because he didn’t think I loved him so no amount of trying to be the perfect wife and love him enough was going to change things. I didn’t have to force it or pretend any more. At first he tried being nice – he would make plans for us to do something together or would make dinner several nights a week. He even thanked me for something. (yes, that is notable.) I still didn’t/couldn’t respond so he just started not talking to me, too. It’s not an openly hostile silent treatment or anything. We answer if the other one speaks. We say goodnight, hello, bye... but that’s about it. No eye contact…
This is my household right now. He relapsed a few months ago, drinking socially until socially turned into disaster. After a difficult weekend 2 weeks ago I found I too no longer cared about his sobriety/ recovery whatever. No hostility but just small talk. He's back in AA with a sponsor after that weekend, and it's still too new to me. I don't know what my words to him will be yet - at least you have clarity and hopefully that will naturally lead you to the right words. I asked him to leave once over a year ago and it was just like the others said - I'm done, please leave. He sensed the difference from all other conversations and the seriousness and sought sobriety and we eventually reconciled.