It sounds as if you have been through it all jj.
I am sorry that you had that happen to you.
He is waiting for a consequence, but it would be me calling the police, or maybe the mental health crisis people. they may take him , if he is threatening me? Or if he seems unstable.
If he can "act" stable when he needs to, is he unstable? that is quite a question, isn't it!
My head is pounding from crying , my heart has a cold chill wrapping around it, and I am beaten. It seems like no productive movement happens until there is a crisis, but it should not be that way, should it?